


A New Beginning

by StormyBear30



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: 30 Seconds to Mars - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-12
Updated: 2011-03-12
Packaged: 2017-10-16 21:47:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/169678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just as the title says</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Beginning

The house was silent except for her piercing cries. I knew that I should have gotten up, knew that she needed me and yet I didn’t move. Instead I burrowed deeper under the covers, closing my eyes and wishing like hell that I was anywhere else but there. I heard Jared stumble down the hallway, murmuring curses under his breath as he made as much noise as possible. I knew those words of anger were directed at me and yet again I didn’t care. “Shannon…you need to get up” I heard Tim speak from the doorway of my room, but I ignored him. “She needs you man. Why the fuck are you acting like this?” He asked, slamming the door loudly when he didn’t get a response. The screaming stopped and I allowed myself to fall asleep. It was something that I did a lot since that horrible day, because it helped me forget about the horrible way that I lost the man that I loved

Flashback…

“Tomo…where the fuck are you?” I screamed into my cell phone. Agitated that he wasn’t there with me like he was supposed to be.

“I’m on my way now. I’m only five minutes away from the hospital” He rushed out, but I could hear the smile in his voice and it caused me to smile as well. “I can’t believe its happening already” He said, a dreamy sound to his voice.

“I can’t believe it either” I smiled even wider, never having been so happy in my life. “Who would have thought that you and I would be parents one day” My life felt as if it were perfect and nothing could screw it up. Tomo and I had been in a committed relationship for the previous three years and after much discussion and forethought, we decided the year prior to have a child. It seemed like the next step in our relationship and I couldn’t have been happier about it. We weighed our options, deciding to use a surrogate so that our baby would have at least one of us as their true parent. We didn’t know whose sperm they used when she was impregnated, but we were doing this out of love and to either of us it didn’t matter. After the third try, we found out she was pregnant and we began to prepare for the expansion of our family.

“I love you Tomo” I said, unable to fathom how lucky I was to have Tomo in my life as more then just a friend and band mate, but as my life partner as well.

“I love…OMG” I heard my lover scream, the phone falling from my ear at its loudness.

“TOMO…” I screamed into the phone. “TOMO…are you ok?” Everyone was starting at me, but I didn’t care as a cold chill began to creep up my spine. “Tomo…talk to me” I was crying and begging, but I knew it was all for nothing because the line had gone dead. “TOMO…” I cried out again, falling to my knees because without even having been there I knew that whatever had happened wasn’t good.

“Shannon…what the fuck?” I heard my brother cry out after me as I picked myself up off of the floor and ran for the first floor. The emergency room was crowded and full of chaos, but I didn’t hear any of it as I rushed about looking for Tomo. I froze in my tracks when a gurney was wheeled by me, a white sheet covering what lie underneath it. I didn’t have to see it to know who it was as I ran out the exit doors and kept running until I couldn’t run anymore. I’m still not sure how I got home, but home is where Jared and Tim found me several hours later, sitting in the middle of the living room, curled up into a ball. They didn’t have to say a word as they curled their bodies around me and together we cried over the loss of a man that had been important in every aspect of our lives.

I refused to even go to the hospital to see the daughter that had been born on the day her father had died. I knew it was wrong, but I blamed her for everything. Cursing the day that she had been conceived, because if that day hadn’t happened, I was sure that Tomo would still be alive. Jared and Tim visited her daily, while I prepared for the funeral that was going to take the man that I loved away from me forever. I wasn’t there the day that they brought her home from the hospital because I was passed out cold after a full day of drinking. They cared for her during the funeral, while I slowly fell apart in my mother’s arms, feeling so empty and alone that I had to fight the urge to join him as they lowered his casket into the ground.

I pushed them all away after the funeral, my mother leaving for the airport in tears because I wanted nothing more to do with her, the child, or Jared and Tim. I continued to drink steadily, passing out daily and not caring if I had bathed that day or not. I wanted nothing to do with the evil child who slept only across the room that I had once shared with Tomo, wishing nightly that she would just disappear and everything would go back to normal. Jared and Tim were caring for her around the clock and as much as I knew that if should be me taking care of her, I just couldn’t leave my chamber of solitude. I planned to stay there until death took me and brought Tomo and I back together again, but my persistent brother and his lover soon showed me that they had other plans for me.

End Flashback…

“Go take a shower…you fucking stink” I heard Jared scream as he rushed into my bed room, throwing open the curtains as I hide under the comforter. “I said go take a fucking shower” He screamed even louder as he ripped my protection from my body, shoving me off of the bed before he jerked the sheets off. “This is it Shannon…the end of the line” He continued to yell, tossing the filthy sheets to his boyfriend as he appeared in the doorway. “Throw those in the wash will you baby” He smiled at his lover before turning his sights back on me. “Either you get in the fucking shower or I will drown your ass and do it myself” I wanted to argue, but thought better of it at the looks of evil I got, daring me to even try and fight him.

“Fuck off” I growled over my shoulder as a sort of small defiance, but doing what he said just the same. I had to admit that it felt good to wash the sweat, grim and tears from my body as I fought the urge to fall asleep right there under the warming waters. Leaning back against the tiles, I closed my eyes and thought of the man that I missed more then anything in the world, but it didn’t last long at the cold blast of water I felt pelting me next. “What the fuck” I cried out in alarm at the hand upon my arm. “You trying to fucking kill me?” I accused as my wet feet slipped on the wet floor, the side of my head nearly missing the cabinet in front of me.

“Just trying to knock some sense into you” He replied gruffly, throwing a towel at my naked body before he jerked me back into my bedroom. Clean clothes were thrown at me next as I dressed quickly, afraid to cross him because it had been a long time since I had seen my brother that pissed off. Once I was done I just stood there, waiting, because I was sure that I wasn’t going to like what I heard next. “Tim and I are moving out” He announced as Tim once again appeared in the doorway with my daughter lying within his arms.

“It’s for the best” I spoke, locking eyes with Jared, relived that I wouldn’t have to deal with the death child any longer, not that I had much since she had come home. “Tim and you will make better parents then…”

“Wrong answer” Jared cut me off, taking the baby gently from Tim’s arms and walking over towards me with her. “Tim and I are leaving…but she’s staying here where she belongs…with her father” I tried to move away, but he wasn’t having any of it as he insisted that I take the child I had grown to hate. “You are her fucking father Shannon” He glared at me, stepping back towards Tim once he was sure that I had her. “Tomo’s gone and it sucks and it hurts…but it is not her fault and you should not make her pay for it”

He’d still be here today if it wasn’t for her” I stammered, tears littering my cheeks as I avoided looking at her. “It’s all her fault”

“How can you fucking say that?” Jared screeched, startling both the baby and myself at his harshness.

“Jared…maybe we should just take her and raise her ourselves” I heard Tim say, his eyes wide as he watched every move I made with her. I could tell that he had gotten attached and I was more then willing to let him take care of her, but again Jared had other ideas as he grabbed Tim’s arm and dragged him from the doorway.

“This is for the best Shannon” He hollered over his shoulder as they stumbled down the stairs and into the hallway, stopping at the bottom as he turned to face me. “This is the daughter that you and Tomo wanted. Do you think that he would want you to treat her like this? Do you think that this is the life that he wanted for you and her? NO…” He cried out, his own eyes damp as he locked them on my own. “He would want you to live your life and give her the best life possible. I’ve made sure that you have everything that you need Shannon…but you have to learn to do this on your own. She’s your daughter. She’s beautiful and amazing. Don’t give up on her because some fucked up drunk driver took Tomo away from us. Live Shannon…for her and for Tomo”

“Jared wait” I cried out when he and Tim turned and left, but I got no response from them, only the cries of the child I still held within my hands. I still couldn’t look at her as I walked into the nursery that Tomo and I had worked on from the moment we had found out our surrogate was pregnant. Tears bled from my eyes as I sat in the antique rocking chair that Tomo’s mother had given us, holding her to my chest as I rocked back and forth ever so slowly. “I want to blame you for everything” I spoke to the quieted child, shifting her back some so I could finally take a look at her fully. My breath caught in my throat as I locked onto eyes of brown, my broken heart starting to feel warmth again. “I’m so sorry “I continued to speak to her, those beautiful eyes looking up at me as if trying to read my very soul. “I’m so very sorry Lucija” I spoke the name Tomo had decided on right after she was conceived. “I know that I haven’t shown it much since you were born…but daddy loves you very much and I promise that you will never want for anything ever again. I will be there for you always and forever” I smiled down at her, it covering my entire face at the cooing I got in response.

She seemed happy with the answer as she shared the cutest baby smile with me before closing her eyes and falling fast asleep. I cried long and hard after I placed her in the crib, not leaving her side until she woke up again because I couldn’t stop looking at her. She was nearly the spitting image of Tomo, with dark hair and dark eyes and I was thankful for it as I fell in lover all over again. She was the most beautiful and precious creature I had ever laid eyes upon and I knew that I would do everything in my power to ensure that she was always safe and protected. **Thanks Jared*** I texted my brother as she continued to sleep, grinning like mad at the response I got back. ***You’re welcome…fucker*** Tucking my cell phone back into my pocket, I once again looked upon my beautiful baby girl, regretting my earlier actions, but making a solemn vow to be there for her in every way possible from then on.

** Lucija= light**

The end…


End file.
